I was disgusted with myself! At 21, despite years of following, loving and serving Yahshua, I’d seriously let Him down. I’d become involved with something I knew would meet His disapproval! My mature self may look back and see a human error of judgement, but my younger self was overwhelmed, horrified by my disobedience and sin. I repented in anguish, weeping before Yahshua – again, and again, and again! I told my heart I was forgiven, but my conscience wouldn’t allow me the peace and joy of feeling forgiven! It condemned me persistently; I felt ‘unclean’ constantly. I sought help in prayer, I talked to a minister, but nothing helped. I knew the apostle had written, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” [1 John 1:9]. I’d always believed it, but now, in extremity, my heart seemed unable to receive it. Does any of this sound familiar?
I’ve counselled and prayed with many who’ve been unable to let go of the memories of their sin. The solid, biblical fact is that the blood of Yahshua cleanses us from all sin [1 John 1:7]. Not just some types, but all! No one has committed more sin than Yahshua died for, and when we’re truly sorry and turn to Him for forgiveness, mercy is guaranteed and forgiveness is instant! Yahweh doesn’t make us wait till He’s processed the request, or decided we fit the criteria for His mercy. So why don’t we feel forgiven? Sometimes, of course, we do, and it’s glorious! But there are times when our conscience simply won’t give up. It’s not a new problem. The writer to the Hebrews tells us emphatically that the blood of Yahshua purges our conscience [Hebrews 9;14]. “To continue condemning ourselves for what [Yahweh] has forgiven,” writes Oswald Sanders, “is disloyalty to [Yahshua].”
I found I had to forgive myself for my stupidity, refuse to resurrect what was not just forgiven, but forgotten, and ask Yahweh’s help in this. Then the weight on my heart was lifted and, once again, I soared free in my salvation. Forgiven means forgiven!
Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash
https://unsplash.com/photos/a-scrabble-type-block-spelling-out-the-word-forgiveness-b7QwXDDEwv8
The Test Of LoveWe look at our lives through a spiritual lens now, as we see how our actions as husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, friends and coaches, workers and employers relate to [Yahweh's] will.
Timothy Peck
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